Bad Luck
by Starrylibra
Summary: Voldemort catches Harry and is about to kill him when... well let’s just say he gets confused and they have a little heart to heart. This is a really stupid fic I made especially for my best friend.


Bad luck 

Summery: Voldemort catches Harry and is about to kill him when... well let's just say he gets confused and they have a little heart to heart. This is a really stupid fic I made especially for my best friend.

Disclaimer: I won only the plot. Hina (pronounced Heena) made up most of the weird words and J.K Rowling owns the characters. The song belongs to the wonderful D12! It is called fight music.

A/N – ok you may find this funny you may not but my friend Hina will know what this is about. Ok it's a one-part story. Here we go! Voldemort's POV.

I stand at the Church Hall feeling rather pleased with myself. And no, I haven't just shitted myself, I am proud of my achievement. Yes I captured Harry Potter my downfall, AND I made it to this Church Hall without getting lost. Yes I'm good! I look up and see a bird so I step under cover so it doesn't crap on me. I wouldn't want that would I? After this I am sure to take a nap, as I have never done so many exciting things in one half of a day! Lucius comes out of the hall and advises me to go inside and kill the potter brat. Ahh, where would I be without Malfoy? I take his advice and go inside.

It is a small building and in the centre is a struggling 15 year old. I can see from here that his round glasses are broken. I can see from here that his scar is burning. I can see from here that he is struggling. I can see from here that he is sweating and I can see from here that he is panicked. And I, of all people almost feel sorry for him but no; I must do what I came here to finish.

'Harry Potter,' I hiss softly, 'here is where you die!' maybe my ears are failing me but I am sure I could hear him cheer slightly under his breath. Why would someone cheer about dieing? I walk over to him accidentally stepping under a ladder. He does a small "HA HA! (From the Simpsons – Nelson Muntz's laugh) and I curse under my breath. 'I do not believe in such stupid superstitions!' I lie. I worry about my plan screwing up.

'You should!' he managed to spit out.

This really annoys me and my eyes turn a flaming read. 'CRUCIO!'I bellow. The room is filled with his screams.

When I finally take the curse off, he screams 'I vanna die!'

I admit I am startled! Who would want to die? 'Waa?' I cry out.

'I VANNA FUCKING DIE!' he screeches.

'Gaa!' I exclaim. His emerald eyes light up. 'Why would you want to die?'

He smiles and replies, 'Gala gala gala!' I am happy! Someone else seems to talk my language!

'Walla walla walla, bing, bing!' I chatter excitedly. He raises his eyebrows at me and I bow my head, ashamed. 'Why would you want to die?' I ask still ashamed and embarrassed.

'I have nothing to live for!' He moans.

'Bullshit! You have your whole life ahead of you if I don't kill you! You could get a fun job and party etcetera,'

'I don't, if you think about it I do another 2 years of school, then I have to work until I'm retired and too old to have fun! I have noting to live for!'

I consider this. 'Hmmm I guess you're right. Erm... you're definitely right but that's what I thought when I was your age,' No don't laugh I was his age once – not to long ago either! 'But that was wrong because I'm an important person who has fun for a living now. HELLO, I'm the fucking dark lord!'

'Shut aaaaahp!' he snarls.

'Never!' I say in my French pirate voice. It sounds demented but effective.

This kind of music, use it, and you get amped to do shit Whenever you hear some shit and you can't refuse it It's just some shit, for these kids, to trash they rooms with Just refuse whenever they asked to do shit The type of shit that you don't have to ask who produced it You just know - that's the new shit The type of shit that causes mass confusion And drastic movement of people actin stupid

Harry bears his teeth and growls. I raise my eyebrows and he bows his head ashamed. I look smug and he sticks his wiggly pink tongue out. 'Do you want me to turn it up?' I ask. He doesn't say anything so I pretend to turn a handle moving my middle finger. Yep, Fuck off is the best way to get someone back! He shakes his fist at me. 'Don't call me a wanker!' I cry.

'Suck my -,'he begins.

'Peanuts get your peanuts!' I exclaimed hurriedly.

'SHUTIT! COCK!'

I blush and giggle. 'You shouldn't say that, it's rude!' I say awkwardly.

'Do you even have one?' he asks.

'Of course!' I say not quite catching his eye.

'Anyway... KILL ME! I HAVE TO DIE!'

'Ok, be patient! Wait, you want to die so if I kill you, I would be doing you a favour and why would I want to do that?'

'I just thought I don't wanna die anymore!'

'Yeah, whatever!' I say using legilemens. He is using reverse psychology. Ediota! Did he not think I'd figure? God I hate idiots!

'DOH!' he cries. 'Ok set me free and stop wasting my time then!' he shouts.

'Oh no, your not going anyway darling. You stay here a few years with a life time supply of your favourite food so you can't starve to death!' I explain, 'you see, you won't be able to resist it so there's no way you're gonna die now! Muhahaha!' I wave my wand and food appears.

'You evil genius bastard!' he spits on the ground. 'You even have your own laugh!'

I grin. 'Yep I've got it all sorted out!' I call as I'm walking out. I don't see the ladder and I trip over it. It lands on me and severely damages my back. Ahh shit! I think. I crawl out hoping there is a hospital near by.

Half an hour later I crawl into ST Mungos covered in the gift the birds gave to me; shit, chewing gum thrown onto the street and I am soaked as everyone I walked past spat on me. Unfortunately Cornelius Fudge is there and he sees me. He conjures up two dementors who take me to Azkaban.

I sit here in my cell and think about the damn ladder that started all this. Why the hell was it there anyway? If it wasn't for the god damned ladder I would've been a freeman. I wouldn't have to serve a lifetime imprisonment at Azkaban! Damn it!

50 years later I lie down in my cell, close my eyes and suddenly I am dead. That is the end of me.

A/n – Yes I know it's a piece of shit but please still review! Thank you sweeties! Free cookies for all! (:) (:) (:)

Love you lots  
Starrylibra  
x-x-x-x-x-x


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